Parents with school-aged kids may argue otherwise, but this may be the most wonderful time of the year. Well, at least for runners. The weather finally starts to break; your investment in lubes, lotions, and anti-chafing products feels less like a second mortgage; the late nights skipped and sacrifices made; the long runs slogged through the summer… they all pay off in a date with destiny at your goal event.
Unless they don’t. Maybe injury, illness, work, class – or kids – conspired to keep you from the start line. Or you just didn’t “feel it.” Until now. And if your social feeds are anything like ours, they’re flooded with friends and folks we don’t even know at finish lines all over the world. Yeah, we feel you. That’s some serious FOMO.
So what is FOMO, and what creates those feelings in us? Shouldn’t we be happy for our friends and their accomplishments?? Excellent questions, all. We posed them to our friend, runner, and Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor, Juliet Kuehnle.
Simply put, FOMO is an acronym for Fear Of Missing Out. We feel it when we see other people having more fun, making more money, or doing cooler stuff than we are.
“When we talk about FOMO, we’re talking about a feeling we get from perceiving that others are experiencing something better than we are,” says Kuehnle. “A level of anxiety and envy comes because our sense is that something has been missed, we’ve been left out, or we simply don’t have experiences like what we’re seeing available to us.”
Since we are social beings, we want to have shared experiences and know that we belong and are part of the group. But, Kuehnle adds, we can have a skewed sense of what is “normal” and expected. And yes, social media can worsen those feelings, impacting our self-esteem and mood.
Listen In: Juliet Kuehnle on Running Around Charlotte
Bottom line, those FOMO feelings are natural. And what Kuehnle calls the “highlight reel” of social media can exacerbate them. So… how do we deal with those feelings? Kuehnle recommends the following:
Set some boundaries: Primarily with social media. The feelings of FOMO can make us want to stay connected to what others are doing so that we’re in the know, which obviously fuels the cycle. Be honest with yourself and check in around the feelings you have when scrolling. Perhaps it’s time for a hiatus from the feeds.
Practice radical acceptance: Whether it’s true or not that others are having fun without you doesn’t actually matter. Reality check: fun and amazing things are happening all the time that you’re not a part of. This doesn’t mean anything about you. Separate this from your feelings of self-worth.
Practice distress tolerance skills: These are those skills that help you navigate temporary discomfort. Things like grounding skills, challenging your thinking traps, appropriate distraction, etc. Lean into experiences and connections that are meaningful to you and aligned with your values. If your cup is filled and you’re attuned to your own needs, you’re less likely to get caught up in the negatives of FOMO.
Say it, do it: Go at your own pace, you do you, stay in your lane, and mind your own business! These are actually helpful mantras when you can really embody them and practice living them.
Lastly, if there is a pattern of you truly consistently being left out by a supposed friend, practice assertive communication to check in about what might be going on.
Take a gut check on why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling. And if they’re more than you can manage on your own, seek the advice of a pro. They’re here to help.